Heather Barton

I’m sitting in my car and I hear an advertisement for the new movie Battleship.  I’m only half paying attention;  action movie, battle scenes.. blah, blah, blah.   Although I do love me some Liam Neeson.  Then a few things suddenly click in my head.

“Brought to you from Hasbro.”

Mmmmmm…….. Where do I know that name……?

“From the makers of G.I. Joe & Transformers.”

Oh! My! GOD!  Hasbro!!  The toy maker.  These are movies based on 30 year old TOYS!

Movies from comic books, I get.  Cuz its been done successfully for soooo many years.  (And oh my, Avengers just rocks that genre to a whole new level!)  But blockbuster movies from toys?  And all the same toy manufacturer!?!   Imagine THAT board room decision… “Hey, we got too much money… lets try our hand at a movie!”

Sheesh… whatever happened to books as material for movies.  Although we’ve seen that in Harry Potter, Twilight and One For The Money.   But what about… gasp… an original screenplay?    I guess they are regulated to the independent film.

But Luke, me, Sex God, his brother, Nancy & her daughter are COMPLETELY excited about THIS movie!   Made from a book, I might add 🙂   Wonder if the Regency theater has group rates! lmao

Did I tell you the story about my childhood dog?  No?  Suckers!

So while growing up we had so many different pets.  We first had cats, then chickens, then rabbits and at one time a pet rat.  We eventually even had a hamster which my mother resuscitated when it tried to die.  Yes she gave CPR to a hamster and revived it.  Oh, so much, another story!

My brother about 30 some years ago with Shoestring

One pet we kids begged her for was a dog.  Which she always insisted we couldn’t do.  A dog needed room, which she claimed we didn’t have.  (Although we had a pretty big backyard compared to hers or mine NOW!  So she must have had an acre in mind!)  She told us, should we EVER even THINK about getting a dog it would be a small one.  Of course, I think at heart she really just didn’t want another pet to deal with. (As a mother, I completely don’t blame her!)

So imagine how shocked we are that one day she comes home from her office (her Pediatric office) with a puppy.  An Irish Setter puppy, no less!   Hello!!!  NOT a small dog!

“Don’t get attached, ” she announces.  “I’m only holding it for 10 days for a patient.”

Turns out they couldn’t pay the fee and used the dog as collateral for payment!  Needless to say that patient never came back for said collateral!   And just like that we had a dog.  So we had to name him.  Us kids called this puppy everything from Big Red to Rex to King to Fido.   But my father called him Shoestring…. because he had a shoestring tied around his neck like a collar.  And of course, THAT is the name that stuck!

None of us knew how to train a dog, much less how to OWN an Irish Setter.  He got minimal baths and the even rarer brushing.   There was no formal obedience schooling to a leash so he was just a bitch to walk.  Pulling constantly and obeying never!  When he was a puppy we played with him.  When he was an adolescent dog we played less.  When he became an adult dog we mostly ignored him.  Although it was fun to get him on the trampoline, he loved it.  When he was dealing with horniness and humping everything in sight we actually took him somewhere to  breed which basically cured it.  I mean, after doing it with an actual female dog he left visitors and such alone!

Like the cats, it never occurred to us to have him fixed.  He never used his dog house, preferring to sleep & hang out in the crawl space under the house.  The better to scare the shit out of the mailman with deep, loud barking whenever  he came.  And as he aged he got eczema that pretty much denuded his fur from his tail up to his shoulders.

He did two things that are the most memorable for me.   Once, as a high schooler I decided to take him for a walk.  I put him on the leash and was successfully wrestling him down the block by trying to walk as fast as his pace when from the corner came the sudden barking of a dog.

And Shoestring lunged into a run.  I, the hapless victim, was pulled off my feet and dragged the length of a house before I could even let go of the leash.  When I stood up, my dog was no where in sight.  The first words out of my mouth were, “I’m going to KILL that dog!”  Which, looking back, was downright hilarious when you realize I then spent an hour LOOKING for the dog.

If I really wanted him dead, I would have just walked home and let Fate HAVE him.  To hell with the damn beast.  But even though I  went home with no dog, eventually he did show up, limping slightly, sometime that night.  At which point I ceased to WANT to be a veterinarian as my father suggested I examine the dog’s leg to see why he was limping.  The dislike of that drove me right out of that career choice!

My other main memory of my childhood dog was how my brother would walk him.  He wouldn’t exactly “walk” him.  He’d put him on his leash (a choke chain collar… yes we were ignorant horrible pet owners) and then get on his skateboard and have Shoestring pull him down the street.  The dog loved the effort, my brother loved the ride.  But really, we should have used a harness!

We sucked as pet owners!

Dear Faucet makers & designers,

WHY is the hot on the left?

Hopefully the wave of the future!

It makes NO sense.  No SENSE, I tell you!!  Which hand do I always use therefore it is the dirtiest?  My right hand… so which  hand is clean to turn the knob?  My left.

Where is the problem, you say?

Ha!!!!

You need hot?  You don’t need hot…. you WANT hot to wash off all that dirt and that hot is conveniently on the left for your left hand.

But what happens when I turn on the hot faucet?  My tankless water heater immediately starts using natural gas & electricity to shoot hot water thru my pipes to get to my demand.

Oh, but it doesn’t get there before I’ve finished washing my hands!?!  Noooooooooo!!!!   (Unless the dishwasher is running, if I’m using the kitchen sink or the shower is running if I’m using the upstairs sink!)  So what have I succeeded in doing OTHER than cleaning????  WASTED electricity and natural gas!!

And lets face it… its not HOT water that gets the dirt off, its the soap.  Hot water is for our vanity and comfort.   Grow a Pair!!

So in my efforts to change my consumption I’ve been trying to stop this habit.. but I keep forgetting to reach OVER!  So every trip to the bathroom, every wash during meal preparation or for any other reason…. seems to be followed by a frustrated grunt of…..

Dammit!!

Yes, I won another concert show from 98.7.   🙂

So last month Sex God and I went to the Fox Theater to see Portugal. The Man.  (Yes, that’s how the band spells their name.. I don’t know why, I also don’t care why!)   The email said it was for Saturday night but the contest winning said it was for Friday and THAT was what I was going to trust! Ha…. so Brant (aka Sex God) had to change his Friday plans with his co-worker to attend.  Poor Al…. so wanted Sex God to hang ALL night at one of his house parties.  He seems to think that drinking all night is THE most fun and actually told him “Bro’s before Ho’s!”

His other co-worker, Cesar, actually chuckled at that one.  And Cesar is a fellow Coachella bud of mine so I sent him a chastising text over THAT!   (Sex God admits that after meeting me Cesar is now looking for a Cougar… Sex God told him what he REALLY needed was a Slut.. I take both titles as a compliment.)

Two paragraphs and I still haven’t got to describing the concert.  Tells you how interesting it was!

Before the concert Sex God, Luke & I all went for sushi at my favorite place in Glendale.  Zono Sushi with its huge happy hour menu from 3pm to closing.  The salmon was delicious although we were a bit disappointed in the yellowtail and, sadly, in the service.  Although they remembered Luke, as last time was his first and they got a kick over the expressions on his face when he tried amazing things like octopus, oh and a mouthful of ginger! hahaha..

Once home we watch a little Big Bang Theory and then head out to the venue.  Parking seemed challenging but downtown Pomona was very well lit and a pleasant walk.  I brought both my old license under my married name and my new one under my maiden name.  I’m not sure WHICH the tickets would be under and was a little worried the date snafu would play out.  But it was all good.

Fox Theater is very much like the Wiltern Theater.  It looks like a refurbished old movie theater where they took ALL the seats out to create a mosh pit.  So we ordered drinks and explored.  It was a first time in such a venue for Sex God so he was appropriately “Wow… cool!” and I was a bit more jaded.. Ha!  We stood in the  mosh area (plenty of room, hello… only 9pm!) and watched the opening band Lonely Forest.

I immediately noticed that the sound system seemed to overwhelm the building which housed it.  Creating a situation where the base was drowning out all the words to whatever they were singing.  Which was sad cuz they sounded like a pretty good band!  Maybe they’ll get lucky and play Coachella next year.

About halfway through their set we went to pee & get another drink and on the way back discovered that the balcony (where the bathrooms were) had seats!  So us Old Folks found some comfy theater seats to enjoy the music from there.  The acoustics were a bit better but frankly, I began to doze off even through the audible base pounding.   Which was actually a little refreshing!

Did I mention the stage lighting choices SUCKED!

When Portugal. The Man came on  were were looking forward to it, but the house music they played before it (shit from the 50’s!) was really grating!  Perhaps it should have been a warning.  The main event began and again, WAAAAAY too much base… and I LOVE base!  But not only could we NOT tell what the words were, but we couldn’t tell which one of the 5 guys were singing!  I finally figured out it was the guitar guy on the left, but there was no spotlight on him, barely an indication he was singing at the microphone.  So, I had no connection to him.  And without a connection to the music by hearing the words or seeing the lead singer, I quickly got bored.

So when Sex God turns to me and notices that I’m dozing off, he yells into my ear.  “I’m pretty done with this, if you want to leave.”  I’m all… yea!  I’ve slept/worn off the alcohol that was buzzing through my system.  And being always horny as hell, I’d rather be in between the sheets with my man than sitting bored in a theater!

I did learn two things….  cuz you know me… its all about what I learned!

I concluded that ALL women should wear panty liners at these  events(or any public toilet situation where you’ll encounter lines).  Cuz lets face it girls… at SOME point in the evening you’ll finally get a toilet only to realize that it has no TP.   Just saying… a nice liner protecting your cute panties that you wore for the evening comes in handy!

And I learned that not all hand dryers are the same!  The hand dryers in The Fox Theater run like a woman.  You gotta put your hands under it and wait while it deigns to notice you, then it slowly builds up air flow and if you move your hands to rub them together or turn them over the whole machine stops and you have to begin the process all over again.   Just makes me glad I’m not a man!

And that I wore pants to the venue!!

I’ve been watching the t.v. show Scandal (reminds me of West Wing, so…. yay!) and there is a torrid, forbidden affair between the main character and the President of the US.   In a flash back episode where they are just realizing, along the campaign trail that the feelings are more than chemistry, I had a little epiphany.

Sometimes when two souls connect, ready to meet, reality has so very little to do with it.  And you can see it in this scene.   He asks her to stand with him in this quiet space, to just “be” together, for only one minute.  Forgetting the fact he’s married & running for President and she’s working for him.  To just BE two souls enjoying the close proximity.

So many women long for that connection.  They believe they have it when they meet their perceived Mr. Right.  And men desire to connect on that level also, but women have built up so much “expectation and responsibility” around it men often shy away from the consequences or risk of that connection.   Especially if it slams them.

But here’s the thing.   Sometimes that soul you meet doesn’t give a shit about reality…. it just knows it needs to be near that other soul.  That other soul is important for its own happiness and growth.  It NEEDS it.  Without it, the journey won’t move forward.  And it’s how we interpret this, how we act upon it, that defines us in that moment of soul connection.  Defines the Journey, I should say, not so much us, really.

Sometimes its just an eye opening touch about unknown desires you didn’t know you had.  Those hidden aspects to your own personality that this soul meeting brings to light.   Some people don’t like what they see and ignore it, run from the Journey, not realizing it will only come up again at a later time.  Such silly denial… Growth will not be deterred.   Although Fundamentalists will often call this being “Tested by Satan” but its just Fate giving you the opportunity to grow as a soul.

I’ve been the “tester” and I’ve had people come into my life and experienced that soul connection that means growth.   And I treasure it.  Both ways.  I’m unique in many aspects.  I think outside the box on most sexual and emotional issues so it seems perfectly natural for Fate to use me to expand the Journey of other souls.   Especially if that growth is along the lines of sex or desires.   I’ve chosen not to shy away from this charge because I’ve seen the benefit to me and to others.

My heart still warms to the pivotal and completely Fate driven meeting of David.  I treasure the impact he had on my life and will always want to give him a hug, like a lost comrade.   I don’t long for him as a lost soul mate, though the connection was there for that to be a possibility.  And I don’t resent his choice not to take that path.  I grew in knowing him and I like to think he grew also.  That alone made the connection necessary and wonderful and valued.   Enhanced our separate Journeys even though we were only within each physical proximity for 2 hours in 7 months of contact.

This very belief is what makes my Sex God my true perfect soul companion.  He is the same way.  He believes it and knows that his own Journey is not that of the average male.  Our walking together not only enhances our own Journey’s it doesn’t hinder Fate from allowing us to enhance the Journey of others since we are on the same path.

And to top this all off.. now Fate (or Facebook…. whatever!)  is using me to connect others.  “Big deal” you say?  Well, it is when you watch that connection become a soul connection on the Journey of two of your friends.  It is when you, through a friend of a friend of a friend, are able to connect a soul to another or to enhance that soul by bouncing off the unique ideas of THIS Cougar/Milf/Slut/Comedian.

And when that friend turns away from the amazing connection Fate has shown him, I can be there for my other friend.  Having experienced it myself.  He will grow either way from the encounter even as he turns away, as will she.  I know.  Whether his desperate choice to cling to his current unhappiness due to responsibility will work out is yet to be seen.  (And no, my David, NOT talking about you… yours was not unhappiness, nor just responsibility 🙂  )

Either way, Fate/God/Kismet, whatever you want to call it….  the Merry-Go-Round we are on has way more than just one brass ring.  Fate makes sure of that.  Especially if that ring is a lesson for growth you are destined to learn.

I just spent a day at the CalWIC conference.  This is an educational conference for people who work for the government WIC (Womens, Infants, Children) agency.  As a company that sells breastfeeding DVDs, we vendor at these type of conferences.  Yet I don’t sell much at these type of conferences.  See I have to watch the stock & pass out fliers.  Because at a WIC conference most of the vendors are passing out free cereal or other free item.  So the attendees kinda think EVERYTHING in the exhibit hall is free

But the nice thing about a that is you never go hungry! There is fruit and juice and cereal galore!  I was across the isle from a new grocer and they were serving delicious food one of which was a to-die-for Butternut Squash Soup, complete with recipe.

Ah, but it turns out Sex God was due to bring in food for 15 for his work lunch group so we decided to cook up the Squash soup.  It was either that or our Mole sauce which I knew took a lot of time.  We popped over to the market to get our 1 missing ingredient when I realized the recipe fed 4 and we needed to feed 20 (me & the kids for dinner that night).  So we ended up filling 2 handcarts with celery & carrots & veggie stock & anything else I needed…like desert!

Then Sex God and I began peeling and chopping and I quickly realized that this was NOT going to fit into one pot!  Hell, it took 6 bowls to HOLD all the prepped veggies!  So I quickly got a second (and then a third!) pot and began to try and brown the veggies per the recipe instructions.  That completely didn’t work!  So we just loaded them up with stock and boiled them which was the second step.

Lucky for me I’d snagged a roasted chicken from Vons & threw this meat at the kids for dinner.  That and raw carrots and by the time we were finally cooking the veggies it was “Here’s desert!”

Once everything was all cooked I realized the next challenge was the fact my blender wasn’t going to do this in one go!  Add to that the fact the realization that each pot didn’t have the exact same ingredients so we needed to blend them all together and I’d not even added the spices yet!   But we managed it by working together although I quickly had to modify the recipe!

See I’d tasted it before and I knew how it should taste and what we had was too celery tasting.  Now it’s possible this was due to not being able to brown it, so for next time I’m cooking a single batch & maybe using my large skillet first!  In any case, I was able to finally get it to a nice squash, sweet curry taste that satisfied me.  All of it!  And I was amazed at how easy soup was to make.  I’m looking forward to trying more creamy soups 🙂

Sex God made a perfect assistant and took my huge black pot filled with soup to work along with the half loaf of multigrain bread I had left.  (Not a problem since I went shopping the next day.)  And I still had a quart to put in my freezer and a quart to put in my fridge.  We got it all finished by 9pm! Luke & Evan were still awake and both wanted a taste so I took a spoonful up to them.  That got a delicious thumbs up.

This is the SECOND load of dishes they had to do!

Haha…. Wait till they see the mess they’ll get to clean up!  The upside to having   slaves  kids.