I love humor. I collect it, treasure it and share it with my friends.
Here are some of the the ones that make me giggle all day.
Little Girl: I want Barbie and Xena for Christmas.
Aunt: Doesn’t Barbie come with Ken?
Little Girl: No she comes with Xena, she just fakes it with Ken.
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Cougar: Hmmm, a young man…
Housewife: Jailbait.
Cougar: Stamina!
Housewife: I am NOT a Starter Kit!
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From How I Met Your Mother the TV Show
Person 1: What do you want to eat?
Person 2: How about Wong’s?
Person 3: I don’t like Chinese.
Person 1: Well how about the Indian Palace?
Person 3: I just told you I don’t like Chinese!
Person 2: What?
Person 1: Never mind. How about that Mexican place on fifth
Person 3: I SAID I don’t LIKE Chinese!
Person 2: What are you talking about those are three different types of food.
Person 3: No they’re not, they’re all the same. Weird meats, funny music…side of rice.
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From Sherman’s Lagoon
Fish: I love camping. You have anything to open this can of pork & beans?
Sherman: Sure, I got this awesome new tool. Let’s see, corkscrew, corkscrew, and, uh, a corkscrew.
Fish: What IS that thing?
Sherman: French Army Knife.
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From One Big Happy
Ruthie: Grampa, let’s skip!
Grampa: Skip! Ruthie, grownups don’t skip, I’d look ridiculous.
Ruthie: But Grampa, it’s fun, it makes you feel good….PLEASE!
Grampa: Absolutely NOT!
Neighbor One: What’s Nick doin’ over there?
Neighbor Two: I don’t know. It looks like he’s having some sort of walking seizure!
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From Willy & Ethel
Shrink: In the Feast of Life there are many choices…some choose wealth, some choose power, some choose happiness.
Willy: I don’t know…but if I had a choice, I think I’d go with the Combo Platter.
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More from Willy & Ethel
Willy: There’s a special on next called ‘What our government is doing right.”
Ethel: I’d like to see that.
Willy: Then don’t blink.
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Job Fair Interviewer: What can you do other than sit around looking stupid?
Job Fair Applicant: So what you’re saying then is you don’t need an assistant?
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Prude: Look at how she’s dressed, what a slut.
Comedian: They say sex reduces stress. Maybe she’s not a slut… maybe she’s a Health Nut.
